


third time's the charm (or, the bau text fic no one asked for)

by v_lannister



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Drunk Texting, F/M, Season/Series 13, Season/Series 14, Texting, ofc is rossi's daughter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 11:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19973650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v_lannister/pseuds/v_lannister
Summary: thanks to a group text created by garcia, david rossi finds out his daughter's in a very serious relationship with the bau's resident genius





	third time's the charm (or, the bau text fic no one asked for)

10.03 am

pgarcia created bau fam

pgarcia added sreid, eprentiss, jennifer.j, d.rossi, will_lamontagne, jamierossi, tara.l., lukealvez, m_simmons, kristy.simmons

pgarcia assigned sreid the nickname boy genius.

pgarcia assigned eprentiss the nickname boss lady.

pgarcia assigned jennifer.j the nickname mom.

pgarcia assigned lukealvez the nickname newbie.

newbie: what is going on i thought we had two days off

pgarcia: we do i just figured we need a non official chill group chat

newbie: hang on why are we the only ones who get nicknames

pgarcia: please go ahead and decide what to call Rossi

newbie:... my bad

d.rossi: why is my daughter in this chat

pgarcia: why wouldn’t she be

pgarcia: i added everyone else’s partners/spouses

d.rossi: ?????????

pgarcia: oh

pgarcia: nvm

d.rossi: oh

d.rossi: @boy genius @jamierossi something you want to tell me

jamierossi: why are you tagging dr reid 

d.rossi: who else could it be 

jamierossi: there are at least four people in this chat who are single other than dr reid 

d.rossi: you haven’t known tara or luke for very long 

d.rossi: and there was that very blatant flirting when I had everyone over last time 

d.rossi: i thought you were just very close friends but in hindsight 

jamierossi: fuck 

jamierossi: in my defense he’s very attractive 

d.rossi: so that time he showed up very late very disheveled and was very cranky 

d.rossi: nvm i think I can connect the dots for myself 

jamierossi: good choice 

___

10.12 am

dad: so

jamierossi: yes

dad: how long?

jamierossi: um, a few years

dad: a few years?

jamierossi: you never said anything about hayden to me

jamierossi: i had to find out FROM SPENCE

dad: you were in new york! and you were busy with your dissertation

dad: is this why you moved here ? why didn’t you tell me?

jamierossi: cause you hated both my exes, and maybe

dad: in my defence they were both closer to my age than yours

dad: to be fair out of everyone who’s been on my team i’d have thought aaron would be your type

jamierossi: he is very attractive

jamierossi: but no

dad: so when you came to mexico with us when reid was arrested and said it was because you’re a lawyer

jamierossi: that’s not a lie

dad: so when you said you’d find someone else to represent him

jamierossi: yes, that is why

dad: do i need to talk to him

jamierossi: god, no. i’ve been married twice before and now you want to go give him a Talk?

dad: valid

jamierossi: well now that you know

jamierossi: we’ve been looking at houses

dad: so it’s serious?

jamierossi: maybe third time’s the charm

dad: that didn’t work out for me

jamierossi: um you got drunk in vegas and got married in front of an elvis impersonator

jamierossi: when spence and i get married we sure as hell aren’t doing that

dad: “when”

dad: so it’s serious serious?

jamierossi: yes. very

dad: let me know if he fucks up

jamierossi: sure ok dad

__

10.14 am

pgarcia: i’m sorry i fucked up you guys!!!! @boy genius @jamierossi

jamierossi: you’re good lol 

jamierossi: so now that’s happened

newbie: that was dramatic

newbie: so everyone’s good now?

boy genius: i turned off my phone for ten minutes

____

10.14 am

dr. reid: so your dad knows

jamie: yeah

dr. reid: how pissed off is he that we didn’t tell him

jamie: he definitely likes you more than the last two lol

dr. reid: well, in his defense, the last one was only a decade younger than him

jamie: you can fuck off

dr. reid: love you too

____

10.17 am

pgarcia assigned jamierossi the nickname mrsgenius

mrsgenius: lol

mrsgenius: you do realize we aren’t married yet

mrsgenius: it’s dr not mrs

pgarcia changed jamierossi’s nickname from mrsgenius to drgenius

pgarcia: yet

boy genius: yet

tara.l.: so when’s the wedding

boy genius: soon

drgenius: soon?

m_simmons: this chat is already way more interesting than i thought it’d be

____

10.28 am

dr. reid: what are you doing right now

jamie: shouldn’t you be asking what i’m wearing

dr. reid: i’m on my way to your office for reasons. not car/phone sex reasons. 

jamie: what

dr. reid: lets go get married

dr. reid: you don’t teach until 6 pm right?

jamie: i have a meeting w a grad student, give me a sec 

jamie: i rescheduled it

jamie: you’re serious about this?

dr. reid: i’m serious

dr. reid: let’s go to the courthouse

dr. reid: let’s get married

dr. reid: we talked about doing this two days ago

jamie: we don’t even live together

dr. reid: but we’re buying a house

dr. reid: i mean we haven’t found one we like

dr. reid: but the sentiment

dr. reid: and how many times have you spent the night at your apartment since you moved here?

jamie: four

dr. reid: and after mexico, and everything

dr. reid: i just

jamie: i love you so much

jamie: let’s do this

jamie: i’m not looking forward to the paperwork i’m going to have to do

dr. reid: for?

jamie: changing my name

dr. reid: we’ve never talked about this

dr. reid: i always assumed you’d keep your last name

dr. reid: mostly because you got your doctorate as jamie rossi

jamie: i want to share a last name with you

jamie: that sounds so cringey

jamie: i’m not going to be offended if you tell me no

dr. reid: no, i’d love for you to be dr. reid

dr. reid: also i love you too

jamie: great so we’re getting married

jamie: but phone sex is also a good option

dr. reid: jamie

jamie: you’re the one who started this

[one attachment from jamie

dr. reid: why are you sending me a screenshot of our chat i can scroll up

dr. reid: also why am i in your phone as dr. reid

jamie: … bc the intelligence is VERY attractive

dr. reid: i’m pulling up to the parking lot behind the building now

____

4.16 pm

drgenius set her nickname to drreid

boss lady: does that mean what i think it means

pgarcia: oh my god!

mom: did they get married and not invite us

newbie: possibly

d.rossi: @drreid my heart can’t handle so many surprises

mom: spence

mom: spence are you serious

mom: henry is sad that his uncle spence didn’t invite him to his wedding

will_lamontagne: that’s a low blow, cher

mom: lol valid

mom: but thx for inviting us spence

will_lamontagne: i’m a little offended too spence

tara.l.: where are our invites

d.rossi: @boy genius @drreid why are you two doing this

d.rossi: first i find out that this has been a thing for a while apparently

d.rossi: and now you two get married

d.rossi: i could have made arrangements for a wedding

d.rossi: i have one question for everyone

tara.l.: go ahead

d.rossi: did everyone except me know

m_simmons: i knew

newbie: so did i 

mom: yeah

tara.l.: lol yeah rossi

d.rossi: I hate you all

d.rossi: did they seriously get married 

boss lady: they might just be fucking with us 

pgarcia: or they might have gotten married

pgarcia: i’m going to try calling

[one missed call to spencer reid from penelope garcia]

[one missed call to spencer reid from emily prentiss]

[one missed call to spencer reid from jennifer jareau]

[three missed calls to jamie rossi from dad]

5.45 pm

d.rossi: my daughter is not answering my calls

pgarcia: they’re probably just celebrating

boss lady: true

mom: i was looking forward to being best man at their wedding

boss lady: bold of you to assume he wouldn’t ask morgan

mom: of course he would ask me

boss lady: sure

boy genius: yes

pgarcia: yes what

pgarcia: yes you got married?

boy genius: yes i got married

pgarcia: do we want to know why you didn’t respond sooner

boy genius: we were busy

pgarcia: “busy” with what?

drreid: my father is on this chat pls stop

[d.rossi has left the chat]


End file.
